Synchronicity
by worlds-to-mend
Summary: Saya & Haji oneshot, each character's view on the other and their mutual struggle. Watch Ep. 19 before reading, as well as Ep. 29 for one little sentence. Review please! -toes ground-


_"If I'm so far from your heart why do I feel it beat?" -- The Black Heart Procession "The Waiter No. 3"  
_

**  
Saya:** My past wish outweighs my present; but still, some tiny part of me yearns for the times of the past, such carefree happiness, as I used to have it, in day to day existence surrounded by

family & friends. I can't allow myself that though, I mustn't even think of it; those are the wishes of futility and selfishness, and my selfishness isn't an objective. Those I care for have shown me

wonderful times; I truly know the wealth of simple moments, now. I can give them that. Protect them so they can have what I'm not able to; I can give them tomorrow, even though I can't live

for it.

My fight is a lone one, it's my burden, borne from my mistake. I won't sacrifice anyone else, I won't _involve_ anyone else, I can't bear it. Haji...I know I couldn't stop you from helping me,

from watching over me, from caring about me if I tried, but I wish---old friend, that I hadn't ripped you from your human life and tied you to me in sorrow. Still, your very presence soothes

me, your silent stride, as though you--walk along the backs of clouds. Your steadfast way reminds me of who I am; I'm more grateful than I could ever express to you for your many

kindnesses. You are my one constant, you and the conviction my sword carries. Once this is all done I can finally rest, with your help and yours alone.

**  
Haji:** I promised to watch over you, to remain at your side, to fulfill your wish, whatever that may be, for the rest of my days; I promised all of this long before my _verbal_ promise to you,

_Saya_; I promised silently, before you gave me this life. The past usurps the present, thus I can respect your wishes. That doesn't mean I agree with them, with one wish in particular, my

beloved. That is my place though, to be forever by your side, silent as the grave I see in your eyes from time to time, the grave you ready yourself for; hiding my heart, masked with wrappings

that speak of my right hand, so that I can obey your will. Still, I do not wish to give you to the coldness of death, I feel its stark iciness set in on my soul whenever I think of our promise. My

Saya, my…but you are free to do as you wish, and I shall remain your Chevalier, your touchstone through the thick and thin of it. I wish I could give you green meadows and French

cobblestones to walk upon, instead of this path of thorns you willingly choose, time and time again. I wish I could give you what I hope you _truly_ want, what I feel connected to as I watch you

sleeping, wandering in a good dream...what lives in me, that I gently carry, decade after decade, until you remember on your own. Our most precious distinction, our time together, through the

ages, and my own private selfish hope of love with you.

I see how others look on you, at once noting your air, the air of one that has been horribly scarred, yet wears it as a badge of reinforcement for their plight. They don't always know what your

plight is, but that much is undeniable---your reticence, your battle instinct. It emanates from deep within your driven eyes, that you exist with the foresight that all hell may break loose at any

moment, and that you're the only one that can ultimately stop it. I've memorized your face, your form, yet they never cease to bring me comfort. I happily attune myself with your every state,

for your pleasure is mine. I freely walk with you, complying with your wish, content to just be near you, to travel the world with you, though it mightn't be in the way either of us wanted.

Of all you have asked of me, if you asked me to promise to leave you to carry on by yourself, I would have to disobey you, for the same principle reason I respect your wishes, because_ I _

_have other promises to keep first._

**  
FIN**

_**  
**_** Note: **Saya's line that she is grateful for Haji's 'many kindnesses' is a tweaking of Elizabeth's line to Lord Arundel from Elizabeth: "All your many kindnesses are remembered."

I'm working on a little H & S story that actually has dialogue, -shock- hopefully that'll make its way on here shortly.


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